Summer time means that squirrels are running rampant through yards and the streets. That also means that the likelihood of hitting one goes up exponentially. Like I did two days ago…poor little fellow was just running to catch up with his friends (or mating) and darted out in front of me and got squished by my back tire. Whoops
Some of our women subscribers feel that their masculine energy tend to intimidate men and drive them away. This is a common problem especially among successful professional women and entrepreneurs that require them to be more masculine at their workplace. However they find it difficult to transition to their feminine energy in their personal relationships.
In your opinion what does it mean to be feminine and can you provide insights on how women can embrace femininity without losing their identity?
People expect a lot from you, and you expect a lot from yourself. These are great qualities and ones that should be admired in a woman, but in the same way, it can also become your greatest weakness. These qualities can cross over into your personal life and that is where it will take a conscious effort to make a shift in the way you relate to men outside of the workplace. This can be a challenge and also one where you may not feel like you are being true to who you are, but there is a way to maintain that but allow the man to be the man in the relationship. He wants to feel like he is in charge and when a woman steps in and takes that role it can be incredibly emasculating. I’m not saying be submissive, but I am saying generally, there is a role a man wants to play in a relationship and you want to allow him the role.
There could be a few things holding you back from being able to connect with men on a deeper level.
- One of those may be a fear of showing weakness or failure. That is difficult for anyone to do, but especially someone who is typically “in charge”. Your pride is on the line and an inability to let your guard down can keep things at a surface level that won’t let a relationship progress.
- Remembering you are not at work. You can let your hair down and not feel the pressure to perform. You should be able to feel relaxed and let loose a little bit.
- When there are too many chefs in the kitchen, what happens? Everyone leads and no one can take orders. Figure out how you can find that balance. Let go of the control.
- Reserve those work clothes for work and do not bring them out for dates. If you’re going on a date after work, bring some make up and a fresh shirt or skirt to change into. And maybe a saucy pair of heels. Feel the part of pretty. You might feel very restricted in your work clothes and not even know it.
- Practice not talking about work outside of work. It’s obviously a huge part of who you are, but it can drive people away when they aren’t able to figure out other interests you have.
- Passion and drive are incredibly attractive qualities and if your job is important you won’t have to explain that because it will naturally come out, but no need to force it.
-The official fish of Georgia is the Largemouth Bass. I could probably stick my foot in its mouth
-Gainesville is the chicken capital of the world, and it is illegal to eat chicken with a fork there.
-Georgia is the nation’s largest producer of the 3 Ps: Pecans, Peanuts, and Peaches. YUM
-Berry College in Rome has the world’s largest campus. Never would I have guessed that. Ever.
-Six Flags over Georgia was originally named for the six flags that flew over Georgia– England, Spain, Liberty, Georgia, Confederate States of America, and the United States. Went there on Monday–what a thrill.
-Athens is the location of the first university chartered and supported by state funds. Go Dawgs!
-Chickamauga (NW GA) is the location of the bloodiest battle that every happened in the US. The word means “river of blood”.
-Kingston, GA is where a huge religious revival happened and now home to snake handlers. That info is underground though
-Georgia is known as the Empire State of the South and The Peach State
-Georgia entered the Union on January 2, 1788
-Burt Reynolds is from Georgia. Keep that in mind.
Can you share your thoughts on delaying sex until women get to really know a man? Some experts I have talked to especially warn against having sex on the first date because it creates a sense of pseudo-intimacy that prevents women from seeing things objectively. For women who are interested in having a long term committed relationship, would you recommend that they delay having sex until they get to know the man and have him commit to exclusivity?
I cannot emphasize holding off on sex enough. As much as we would like to be able to disconnect from our emotions and engage in a good romp, we really can’t do it the way we would like especially if we desire a long term relationship. Our bodies won’t let us. We release a hormone called Oxytocin when we orgasm and that hormone is responsible for attachment. Oxytocin will give you the feeling that there is something more there than is actually there—circling back to the pseudo-intimacy. It’s like an illusion. You are allowing a man to engage in something very intimate with you and unless you are in a committed relationship he has nothing to lose.
Take the time to get to know him and feel safe in the relationship with him before the physical commitment comes. You will probably find the longer you wait, the less likely you are to start flying off the radar on him because you are secure in the relationship because of the foundation not being based on lust.
If all you take from this is “Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it” then that’s all you need to remember. Don’t do it. Be patient.
-Jellyfish are comprised primarily of water (95%) with no bones, eyes, heart, or brain. So really they just bob along.
I have read a few experts that recommend playing hard to get as a means to woo men and retain their attention. Can you share your thoughts and talk about your views on playing hard to get to attract men?
This is a million dollar question. Thinking about it on the surface, it makes no sense. Why would someone you are intentionally ignoring be interested? But for whatever crazy reason it works. I have a few ideas between what I have heard from others and what men have mentioned to me.
It’s in their genes. Men may be hardwired in their chemical make up to want to chase the woman. Take the hunter-gatherer example, it’s what men have been doing since they first showed up on Earth. They hunt and the thrill seems to be in the chase. If we make it too easy for them, they lose interest. Peculiar, but it’s how the game works.
Everyone likes a little mystery, so revealing too much about yourself too soon takes away the mystery. Men like to have things to figure out, it keeps them intrigued. Tell him just enough but leave him wanting more. Think about a good book, the chapter ends and you’re so curious what happens next you keep reading. You are the book, and he is the reader.
It may be that “playing hard to get” is actually a woman being confident and secure in who she is. She isn’t consumed with when she’s going out with him next because she has other things on her plate she is excited about. She doesn’t need to take time to craft the perfect witty text back because she isn’t paying attention to her phone but to the people she is with. She knows she is enough with or without him. That’s attractive.
While I don’t agree with making up excuses and always being “busy”, you do want him to know you have a life, but you should squeeze him in somewhere. Guys like a challenge, but they don’t like games. Give him something to work for, but don’t mess around with him and play him like a puppet. That’s not fair and it’s manipulation to get what you want. The flip side, as a woman, there are things you should expect which include him planning dates in advance, following through with plans, and being intentional in spending time together. If he’s not doing those things, he’s probably playing his own game with you. Be smart, confident, play it right, and he will be intrigued. From the intrigue, only time will tell…
We had our annual Young Life golf tournament this week. It was a glorious day spent on the fairways watching for a hole in one. That was the only job I had, sitting at hole 17 to see if someone got a hole in one to win a Lexus. No one did. Getting two hole in ones in a round of golf is a 1:67 million chance. I should take up golf, good life sport.
-The World’s Longest Golf Course is the International Golf Club in Massachusetts. 8325 yards long with a long par of 77. Par for the course is generally 72 for those of you who don’t follow golf. It also has the largest green that is 28,000 square feet.
-Mint Juleps are sipped most amongst the clubhousers at the Masters than any other tournament
-Apparently it takes 18 shots to finish a fifth of whiskey. Thus the reason for 18 holes on a golf course. Do you ever even make it to hole 18 is that is the plan of attack?
-The World’s highest golf course is the Tactu Golf Club in Morococha, Peru, which sits 14,335 feet above sea level at its lowest point. Not certain of the highest point, but altitude sickness is a possibility.
-There are three golf balls on the moon.
-One must play 10 rounds of golf in order to have a handicap
-The longest hole in the world is the 7th hole (par 7) of the Sano Course at the Satsuki Golf Club in Japan. It measures a long 909 yards. 9 football fields!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO
-$602 million dollars is in the golf ball market. Could be a good place to start these days
-There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
-Want to learn golf? Check out, “Bad Golf Made Easy” insturctional videos by Leslie Nielson. I used to watch these in my youth for fun. I got you babe.
We get a lot of emails from our readers who often worry about losing the man that they are interested in. This can be ranging from issues like the man blowing hot and cold to a man communicating with them only via text messages to him taking her for granted and not making any plans ahead of time for a date to being hesitant to talk about how he sees their relationship progressing or discussing his thoughts about marriage etc.
I guess it’s quite natural for people in general to avoid serious topics or conversations especially when they are first getting to know the person. But for a relationship to progress and for a couple to build trust and feel emotionally connected, it is important to talk about what’s on your mind and discuss important issues.
What we see many women do is that they either avoid talking about these issues or pretend they don’t matter because they don’t wan to “risk losing him” or they have this hope that they can change the man later on as the relationship progresses In the process, they set a dangerous precedent by avoiding conflict altogether or by sweeping issues under the rug early on in the relationship.
So how can women overcome this fear of losing their man and cultivate the habit of openness and honesty early on in their relationship?
Losing a romantic partner is scary because of what has been invested into that person. Thinking about it can give you a pit in your stomach. So, in relationships, we do what we can not to rock the boat. Relationships can be like Seahaven in the movie The Truman Show–the sun always shines, people are always “good”, everyone smiles, and there is never any traffic. Pure bliss. And that is what we try to maintain in relationships. The problem comes when we can’t force the smiles anymore and we are looking for something real, just like Jim Carey in The Truman Show.
It’s not normal to dive into the nitty-gritty on date one—this is a chance to hit the surface and figure out what kind of person you are working with. The first few dates can be like Seahaven, putting your best foot forward and feeling the man out. However, there comes a time when facing the nitty-gritty is necessary to take a relationship to the next level. It’s relatively easy to keep things on the surface, especially if he isn’t willing to dig deep. What I see many women doing is compromising themselves because they are afraid of what direction tough conversations may take the relationship. But ask yourself this, “Am I staying true to who I am and my values or am I sacrificing part of me so I don’t lose him?” What happens if the relationships ends? Will you be able to say, “I have no regrets and I didn’t compromise who I am.” That should be an end goal.
Having real life conversations isn’t easy, but they are crucial to a relationship and should be discussed on the early-ish end. It is much better to find out that you and Bobby don’t line up with the idea of children in month 2 rather than in month 9 when much more has been invested emotionally. And truthfully, I believe many of these conversations should be had even before the boyfriend title is thrown around. Others may believe that is too early, but I think once you’re on that track, it’s much harder to turn back when core values are not lining up. It’s those values that make you who you are. Be bold. In the end you want someone who respects you, not someone who you’re living in The Truman Show with. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work out with his wife because it’s a relationship that never left the surface.
On the issue of changing a man, don’t hold your breath. The only thing a woman can (maybe) change about a man is his clothes. Do not get into a relationship with the idea you are different and you can tame the beast, you can’t. He can change, but it’s going to be because he wants to, not because you want him to.
My phone is sitting no more than 3 feet from me as I write this post. I am constantly attempting to figure out ways to become less dependent (is that even possible at this point?) on my phone use and the apps that come accompany it. A little over a year ago, I felt like I spent too much time scrolling on Facebook, so I removed it. A little painful feeling FOMO (fear of missing out), but it lessened overtime. It’s constant re-evaluation of my use and when I think maybe I’ve gotten better, I catch myself in the same habits of picking up the phone only to see my home screen. With that, I removed notifications from popping up from my Instagram account and SnapChat. There is always something I can be doing better.
I came across an article this morning on Psychology Today that is a little longer than a really short read (about 10 minutes) that can help anyone take an honest reflection on their social media use and how to break some of those pesky habits and be more present and live a more authentic life in relationship with those around you.