Settling…and I don’t mean what the settlers did

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a change. Unfortunately, this is what many of us do in relationships. We repeat the same routine time after time and expect the outcome in our relationships to be different. Each time we wind up feeling like things could be better, it’s better than being single, or a number of other excuses for why we are settling on this one individual. Well, until we change the pattern of settling, nothing will change. You are living in insanity.

Take a look at yourself. You’re the one in the drivers seat. You do not have to stay in this relationship, you are choosing to. Why you are choosing to? Maybe it’s because you feel this is the best you can do? It is because it’s your best option right now? If this is what you’re choosing and you know something is better out there, look at the way you view yourself. I once had a supervisor tell me, “Who we date says more about us than it does about them.” In the recent movie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, this question is addressed so simply and beautifully between two of the characters:

Charlie: Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?

Bill: We accept the love we think we deserve.

Charlie: Can we make them know they deserve more?

Bill: We can try.


The simple answer is, we date who we think we deserve and if you feel like you deserve someone who treats you poorly, then it’s a matter of learning to like yourself enough to make a change. Not settling, not worrying about what ifs, and not being afraid to stand up for yourself.


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